Realistic Barbie

Realistic Barbie is a Barbie that
you know is really realistic.
She doesn't have the longest hair in the world
and it isn't easy to brush.
Her brushes do bend when you boil them, etc.
And she comes with lice.
So you have to stick her head in Barbicide.
Her clothes are from the flea market
with fleas and tics included.
She doesn't wear high heels 12-feet tall,
she wears regular canvas walking shoes.
She's not plastic and she can feel pain.
She can scream and will kill you if necessary.
Only comes in packs of 5 and cost four ninety-nine.
That's not in cents, people, that's dollars!
Her boyfriend Ken kennot dance
and everyday wears clothes that clash
instead of those beautiful outfits that the other guy comes with.
And their clothes get staticy in the dryer
and they shrink too.
She hates surfing, which her boyfriend loves about her.
And when she goes swimming her towels do get wet.
She needs tutoring every now and then
and a new brain too.
She's always going to the hospital for injuries
and she doesn't come apart like some other Barbies we know
that when torn apart make excellent cat toys.
The heads are the best.
Oh realistic Barbie
she even gets car sick.
She's the perfect gift.

By Martina Catherine Torr Meijer and Jessica Lee Osserman, April 8, 1994